Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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