ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
