i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
