It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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