I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
