if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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