First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
