i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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