Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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