JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
