She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
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In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
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The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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