They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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