i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
