As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
