I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
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I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
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Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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