I need help removing her.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
