he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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