you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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