vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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