do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
