I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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