Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
