I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
