I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
