Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
