omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
