You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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