i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
