i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
