she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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