I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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