True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
