just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
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On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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