Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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