If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
