you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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