i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
