This dress was meant to end up on your floor
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Damn victory sex feels great
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
