how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
