Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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