gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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