i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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