He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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