There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
