PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
