If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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