Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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