there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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