So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
