He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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