no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
