I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
