mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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