I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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