So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Farmville is her only friend.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
