Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
