I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
