my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
