I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
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At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
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you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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