And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
