Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
