I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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