maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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