Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
