I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
