I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
