drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
